Day 4

It is Evident that God is at Work

It is Evident that God is at work by the desperate attempts of the devil to steal, kill and destroy. Yesterday we had an amazing opportunity to reach the world for Christ through a radio show. We were super-excited to be able to share Jesus with the surrounding community via preaching, prayer and worship. Evangelist Paul Durham Preached, Frances Mace prayed over the community and the upcoming festival and I sang. I sang a song that had touched my heart in a very special way the first time I heard it and hoped and prayed that it would do the same for others that were tuning in. I prayed and asked the Holy Spirit to fill me and that His glory would be evident through the words of the song. As the radio host pointed at me I knew that it was my time to go. I was a bit confused as I couldn’t hear the music and wasn’t sure when it had started or if it had started at all. As I strained to hear the music so I could sing for His glory I quickly realized that the music was playing and it had been playing. I could only hear a faint beat and I knew that everyone tuning in was experiencing dead space and that was the worst thing that could ever happen on the radio. I said a quick prayer and went for it. I tuned everything out around me and proceeded to just worship. As I began to sing I could hear that faint beat in the background and just sang as closely as I could to the beat. I knew I had to be off but I kept going as if there was no music at all, just me and the Lord. When we were finished, I was a bit discouraged and it struck me that I had no idea what had been heard on the other side of that radio. I thought I had surely failed and that I had somehow fallen short and had disappointed my Lord and Savior, the one I had so desperately sought to please. I forged ahead and vowed to make it through the rest of the show without falling to pieces over my failure.

As the radio show ended, I headed to the restroom and heard a loud voice saying to me to “tell him that I see him, I love him and I am proud of him.” I thought I was going nuts. Here I am sulking and in despair over my first ever and probably last opportunity to ever sing on the radio and all I want is for God to speak to me and comfort me. I wanted Him to tell me that He was pleased and all was good but all I can hear is “Tell Him I see him, I love him and I am proud of him.” At this point I am like – man I am really going nuts, this stress is making me crazy and now I am hearing voices. As I exited the restroom, I ran into Paul and the owner of the radio hour that had just hosted us and allowed us this crucial air time. I remember watching him as he videoed us while we were on the radio and remembering that Pastor Freddy had said he was legally blind and could barely see anything. I remembered thinking, “Wow, what a man of God. He is so eager to share God’s word and does it through his disability and with a passion few will ever know in their chosen paths.” It was then that God yelled at me. “Tell him I see him, I love him and I am proud of him.” Again, I pushed it to the back of my head and then, as I was about to walk out of the door, quite possibly to never to see this beautiful man of God again, I shook his hand and looked him straight in the eye and spoke to him. “God has been shouting this at me and he wants you to know something. He says He sees you, He loves you and he is proud of you!” I quickly apologized for being abrupt and telling him so passionately, but that I knew God had that message for him and He simply wasn’t going to let my hesitation get in the way.

After that encounter I was so touched that God had used me in that way that I quickly forgot about my self-doubt and went about my day. Later that evening as I got back to the hotel, exhausted and vulnerable, the devil crept in. I remember crying myself to sleep feeling once again like a failure. In the morning, needing a little extra time to pull myself together so I could be productive for His work I decided to bury myself in His word and look away from the feelings of yesterday. After reading and spending time with the Lord, He gave me some encouragement which I will include below. However, I am now realizing that if for no other reason than to deliver that message to that incredible man of God – I was NOT A FAILURE. Maybe my only purpose for being at that radio station that day was to deliver that message. Maybe my only reason for being in Costa Rica was to deliver that message. The world may never know, but God does and thank goodness He is the one in control! We are merely here to tell His story…

To Tell Your Story

Discouraged & Broken I came to You.
I know your words will get me through.
I did it all for Your glory,
Just felt like there was more to the story.
I feel like I have somehow let you down.
In deep disgust I feel I may drown.
I did it all for Your glory,
Just felt like there was more to the story.
I will continue to walk in you,
Doing all that you call me to.
I will do it all for Your glory,
Because I know there is more to Your story.
So, God, have Your way today
And help me listen to all you have to say.
Know that I am ready to do it all for Your glory.
To speak Your name and to tell Your story.

The rest of Day #4, After the radio station we went to the tv station where the producer of the tv station had just begun his position that day, was a born again Christian and decided to bless us with free and complete coverage above and beyond what we paid for. I spoke with Pastor Freddy at length and found out he has ties in the states in Morganton, NC and New York City, NY. We are hoping to see him again soon! We met the rest of the crew today, The Benedict Family, Vic Murphy, Dave and Ben Alva. We also met Carla and Caryn Jackson. The crew is now in place and we will continue to work everything out for the festival… and for His glory!